Pretty much sums it up...
Kicked off this morning with a fartlek run and lifting weights. The fartlek rocked as I smoked my fire team and wasn't even that winded. Today was my legs and shoulders day so by the time I was done my legs were done too. Sitting on any surface insufficiently padded hurts.
I had my speaking test today, pounded a ton of vocab, then had speaking practice. I think I did alright on the speaking test. The vocab is really sticking. I learned a lot in speaking practice. All said, not a bad day for language learning.
Then I went and dropped my car off this afternoon to get it all fixed and ready for the 3000 or so miles I'm going to add to it starting next weekend. I didn't realize just how much little stuff was wrong with it until I started listing it off for the mechanic. Poor guy.
M'Lady was the one who picked me up from the autoport and brought me to my apartment. Then we hung out this evening. Earlier this morning she was all smiles and said she had realized something today and would share with me later... So she did. She's decided to take a few years to take care of herself, finish up grad school, and rediscover her passion for life. She says it's been waning as her priorities and reasons for doing things have shifted away from what she truly wants. She also said that, coincidentally, the people that she is interested in a future with get out of the military about the same time she's due to graduate. And she says that at the end of all this the people who are important, who are good friends, and who she can trust will still be there.
This is the weird part... I agree with all of that. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. There was an initial few minutes of dislike for the scenario as it means I'm denied what I desire but I quickly started recounting the positives to this.
She wants to get to know people... She wants that friendship to be there before having an exclusive relationship. That's what a relationship should be based off of. You're good friends first and then you add that little bit extra. Establishing that first is a good thing
Time tests things... All relationships go through that test. Most fail. Getting that test out of the way while you are friends helps determine who is quality and who isn't. It also lets you know what you're really getting into.
Also, the longer you are denied something the more you want it... It's my own fault for awakening that desire of mine. Now I get to watch it simmer as time goes on. One of these days, I'll actually get to sate that desire of mine and it will live up to the hype. And it'll be special.
She is also taking action on her own to get her life in order... I swear, the more I talk with her the more impressed I am. She's strong enough to take care of herself and intends on making sure she is self-sufficient. I agree. A relationship isn't about two incomplete people trying to compensate for the other. It's about two good people who are better together.
Heh. We talk like we're going to know each other for a very long time... I hope so. She was talking about my visiting her whenever I come home as my dad wants to move near where her parents are. Then there was talk of just going places when I take leave.
While we were talking today she started talking about some of her professors from college. They taught anthropology. Suddenly she turned to me and said, "You would like anthropology." So we started discussing why... And I think she may be right. Cultural anthropology. Field work.
Travel the world. Meet interesting new people. Learn the language. Live the culture. Do things extremely few other people have. Share your experiences. Live the adventure.
That is one of my biggest concerns for my entire life: living the adventure. I want my life to mean something. I want to accomplish something. The stories that her professors have are the stories that I want for myself. I can start training for it now. I already have been.
Just now I have more direction... In a few different ways. Life is weird but good.
13 June 2007
12 June 2007
Feedback Loop
Today has been really odd... It started off awesome. I PTed with my fireteam, went to the gym, had a good weight lifting session, drank my tasty shake took a nice hot shower, went to the sauna, took a really refreshing cold sauna, and made it to class with a bit of time to spare and feeling really good. My speaking practice went well and I spent the rest of the day rocking out studying vocab. It was really sticking too.
The Lady and I chatted a bit today... and now she's feeling all sorts of confused on account of her ex. He, apparently, is really confused too. This leaves me to, once again, fill the role of anchor. She even commented on it too. On how I'm the only steady, reliable thing in the whole equation. Now, consciously I determined that there's nothing for me to do in this situation but support her in whatever she does. Therefore, I shouldn't worry. Why worry about what you can't change anyways?
Unfortunately, my subconsciousness didn't want to listen to my consciousness and started up some sort of wierd stress feedback loop. Shortly after I got off the phone with M'Lady I suddenly felt old and tired. I tried going to dinner with the Hooah but only got more agitated. It lasted through study hall but I managed to shake it off by blaring my music really loud and singing along on the way home. Heh... It reminded me of something my teacher said when we were prepping for a song in class. She was complimenting and thanking everyone for their hard work and good singing then she got to me and said that, "You tried so hard."
Heh.
Anyways... Test tomorrow. I feel decent. And tomorrow is a new day. One thing I've definitely learned as of late is just how much can happen in one day so we'll see what happens.
The Lady and I chatted a bit today... and now she's feeling all sorts of confused on account of her ex. He, apparently, is really confused too. This leaves me to, once again, fill the role of anchor. She even commented on it too. On how I'm the only steady, reliable thing in the whole equation. Now, consciously I determined that there's nothing for me to do in this situation but support her in whatever she does. Therefore, I shouldn't worry. Why worry about what you can't change anyways?
Unfortunately, my subconsciousness didn't want to listen to my consciousness and started up some sort of wierd stress feedback loop. Shortly after I got off the phone with M'Lady I suddenly felt old and tired. I tried going to dinner with the Hooah but only got more agitated. It lasted through study hall but I managed to shake it off by blaring my music really loud and singing along on the way home. Heh... It reminded me of something my teacher said when we were prepping for a song in class. She was complimenting and thanking everyone for their hard work and good singing then she got to me and said that, "You tried so hard."
Heh.
Anyways... Test tomorrow. I feel decent. And tomorrow is a new day. One thing I've definitely learned as of late is just how much can happen in one day so we'll see what happens.
11 June 2007
Going to Where the Wind Blows...
Let's see...
Language: Wow. So... The EOCT kicked my butt. Grrr. Now I have to redirect fire and try not to get blindsided again. We've been working on that for a few weeks and I think there's been some improvement but who knows? The material we've been working with is so far ahead of the curve that it's difficult to gauge just how well I'm doing. I've also been trying to gear up for the next (normal) unit test coming up this week. I'm feeling alright about it all, to be honest. Each time the language starts to really get me down I have an awesome speaking session.
A week or two ago I managed to detail my life story in Korean to my teacher. That same morning he and I started rambling about space Marines on account of my finally finding out that Starcraft 2 is coming out. There's been a few cracks about my trying to play with some Koreans for speaking practice but we all know that they'd destroy me. Starcraft is a cult over there. On a slightly more serious note I managed to pull a rather detailed comparison between the cultures and languages of the USA and Korea in Korean out of the air. My teacher was so impressed he's charged me with writing an essay and entering it into the contest. We'll see...
My study hasn't been all I've wanted it to be with everything going on... There's just not enough time in the day. It is getting better, however. Giggles has been doing better with the tutoring, which is always nice. My vocab project may have had it's official support stripped from it by a couple of teacher's pride, however. Hrmph. They have another thing coming if they think their delicate ego is going to stop a Marine from accomplishing his mission.
Fitness: I haven't been running much lately but I've been lifting more and I'm noticing subtle changes here and there. Today I've decided to abandon the circuit course and go for the classic three-set plan. I'm just not moving fast enough between stations thanks to how the weights are set up in the fitness center and how crowded it gets so I'm not getting the benefits. I've also bit the bullet and started making post-workout shakes to give my muscles what they need to recover from being smoked. They are pretty tasty with my milk, yogurt, liquid multivitamin, whey protein, banana, and frozen strawberries. Not too heavy on the fruit thanks to the sugar content but it works out. I've also found this new energy supplement that works wonders on my system with no noticeable side effects. That's also very nice.
I'm still planning on running the San Francisco Marathon... It'll be a challenge because I've been running less but I can pull it off. I'm that stubborn. Plus I now have a few good friends willing to support me when I'm weak.
Apartment: This has turned out to be one hell of a project... But it's slowly coming together. My kitchen finally has appliances in it and now I have not one but two girls who like to come over and try their hand at cooking. My other friend (being a guy) helps me with the dishes. The place is still a mess (even though my friends deny it) but it's getting better. The best part of it all is that I am feeling better and I'm developing a sanctuary here. The energy is really good... My friends come here and feel relaxed just by being here. Even the plants are responding to it and are just taking off.
Oh. I've also started collecting BAH... So very, very nice. I'm not poor anymore. Thank you, admin!
Automotive: I think there is something wrong with my left rear wheel... like the shock is a little out of whack. I only notice it when the vehicle is heavily loaded but it doesn't take bumps too well. It looks like it's been lowered. Honest. I'm going to take it the autoport this week or the next as I'm planning on a 560+ mile drive home for class break. That's going to be a blast.
Gaming: Purchased the Starcraft Battle Chest. Mmmm. A classic. Purchased God of War 2... So sick. The Musician calls it the most epic game ever. I only play it when the others are around. I've played with the new D&D group a couple of times too but I'm seriously debating dropping D&D all together. I feel like I have the choice been role playing a hero or really being one with where my life is going now.
Medical: So my mask was trying to eat the skin off my face earlier. It seems to be better now but that really hurt. It's still a bit annoying... Being asked 6-8 times per day what was wrong with my face was really annoying. I need to figure out how to regulate this.
Military: Being a fireteam leader has it's ups and downs... I'm not quite sure what the ups are though. The experience is valuable but I feel like every time I slip in the slightest that I'm going to get reamed for it. Hasn't happened yet (the reaming part) but it keeps me on my toes. I'm still trying to fuse us into a tighter unit and now we have a nug. For some reason, Corporal gave him to me instead of to Hairdo (another fireteam leader). It's rather exciting to get my first boot to chew on. Privates are absolutely adorable.
Personal: I could go into detail but... No. This is something personal. Ha!
Let's just say that I have found 'better' in the form of a lovely young lady with red hair and crystal blue eyes. Truly better. So much so that I feel like I'm racing to keep up with her... Which is a nice change to my trying to drag all these little girls along with me. Of course, M'Lady doesn't think she's that amazing (even though she has specified which adjectives I'm allowed to use for describing certain things and they are not humble words). I think what we are most impressed with is how things are quiet when we are near the other. Even if the world is a storm around us, we can generate this little bubble of peace and calm when we are together. We're both used to just giving and giving and giving to the people around us until we are truly exhausted on multiple levels.
Now we seem to be feeding each other and being stronger together than we are alone.
I'm trying really hard to be sane about this... And I have the driver's seat. Which is kind of amusing considering how she is everywhere else. There is something else I've noticed. When I'm close to her, it feels right. Kissing her puts me to ease instead of sets me on edge. It's a huge difference compared to where I've been before and just one more way of underlining how wrong that person was for me. However. I am thankful for the experience to show me just how wonderful M'Lady is.
I feel compelled to work harder... To be worthy. To be what the best that I can be for her. And so, my quest continues. It is a personal one but it is the one that truly matters.
Language: Wow. So... The EOCT kicked my butt. Grrr. Now I have to redirect fire and try not to get blindsided again. We've been working on that for a few weeks and I think there's been some improvement but who knows? The material we've been working with is so far ahead of the curve that it's difficult to gauge just how well I'm doing. I've also been trying to gear up for the next (normal) unit test coming up this week. I'm feeling alright about it all, to be honest. Each time the language starts to really get me down I have an awesome speaking session.
A week or two ago I managed to detail my life story in Korean to my teacher. That same morning he and I started rambling about space Marines on account of my finally finding out that Starcraft 2 is coming out. There's been a few cracks about my trying to play with some Koreans for speaking practice but we all know that they'd destroy me. Starcraft is a cult over there. On a slightly more serious note I managed to pull a rather detailed comparison between the cultures and languages of the USA and Korea in Korean out of the air. My teacher was so impressed he's charged me with writing an essay and entering it into the contest. We'll see...
My study hasn't been all I've wanted it to be with everything going on... There's just not enough time in the day. It is getting better, however. Giggles has been doing better with the tutoring, which is always nice. My vocab project may have had it's official support stripped from it by a couple of teacher's pride, however. Hrmph. They have another thing coming if they think their delicate ego is going to stop a Marine from accomplishing his mission.
Fitness: I haven't been running much lately but I've been lifting more and I'm noticing subtle changes here and there. Today I've decided to abandon the circuit course and go for the classic three-set plan. I'm just not moving fast enough between stations thanks to how the weights are set up in the fitness center and how crowded it gets so I'm not getting the benefits. I've also bit the bullet and started making post-workout shakes to give my muscles what they need to recover from being smoked. They are pretty tasty with my milk, yogurt, liquid multivitamin, whey protein, banana, and frozen strawberries. Not too heavy on the fruit thanks to the sugar content but it works out. I've also found this new energy supplement that works wonders on my system with no noticeable side effects. That's also very nice.
I'm still planning on running the San Francisco Marathon... It'll be a challenge because I've been running less but I can pull it off. I'm that stubborn. Plus I now have a few good friends willing to support me when I'm weak.
Apartment: This has turned out to be one hell of a project... But it's slowly coming together. My kitchen finally has appliances in it and now I have not one but two girls who like to come over and try their hand at cooking. My other friend (being a guy) helps me with the dishes. The place is still a mess (even though my friends deny it) but it's getting better. The best part of it all is that I am feeling better and I'm developing a sanctuary here. The energy is really good... My friends come here and feel relaxed just by being here. Even the plants are responding to it and are just taking off.
Oh. I've also started collecting BAH... So very, very nice. I'm not poor anymore. Thank you, admin!
Automotive: I think there is something wrong with my left rear wheel... like the shock is a little out of whack. I only notice it when the vehicle is heavily loaded but it doesn't take bumps too well. It looks like it's been lowered. Honest. I'm going to take it the autoport this week or the next as I'm planning on a 560+ mile drive home for class break. That's going to be a blast.
Gaming: Purchased the Starcraft Battle Chest. Mmmm. A classic. Purchased God of War 2... So sick. The Musician calls it the most epic game ever. I only play it when the others are around. I've played with the new D&D group a couple of times too but I'm seriously debating dropping D&D all together. I feel like I have the choice been role playing a hero or really being one with where my life is going now.
Medical: So my mask was trying to eat the skin off my face earlier. It seems to be better now but that really hurt. It's still a bit annoying... Being asked 6-8 times per day what was wrong with my face was really annoying. I need to figure out how to regulate this.
Military: Being a fireteam leader has it's ups and downs... I'm not quite sure what the ups are though. The experience is valuable but I feel like every time I slip in the slightest that I'm going to get reamed for it. Hasn't happened yet (the reaming part) but it keeps me on my toes. I'm still trying to fuse us into a tighter unit and now we have a nug. For some reason, Corporal gave him to me instead of to Hairdo (another fireteam leader). It's rather exciting to get my first boot to chew on. Privates are absolutely adorable.
Personal: I could go into detail but... No. This is something personal. Ha!
Let's just say that I have found 'better' in the form of a lovely young lady with red hair and crystal blue eyes. Truly better. So much so that I feel like I'm racing to keep up with her... Which is a nice change to my trying to drag all these little girls along with me. Of course, M'Lady doesn't think she's that amazing (even though she has specified which adjectives I'm allowed to use for describing certain things and they are not humble words). I think what we are most impressed with is how things are quiet when we are near the other. Even if the world is a storm around us, we can generate this little bubble of peace and calm when we are together. We're both used to just giving and giving and giving to the people around us until we are truly exhausted on multiple levels.
Now we seem to be feeding each other and being stronger together than we are alone.
I'm trying really hard to be sane about this... And I have the driver's seat. Which is kind of amusing considering how she is everywhere else. There is something else I've noticed. When I'm close to her, it feels right. Kissing her puts me to ease instead of sets me on edge. It's a huge difference compared to where I've been before and just one more way of underlining how wrong that person was for me. However. I am thankful for the experience to show me just how wonderful M'Lady is.
I feel compelled to work harder... To be worthy. To be what the best that I can be for her. And so, my quest continues. It is a personal one but it is the one that truly matters.
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